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How Inside Out Approach to Separation Can Build Bridges.

What Is Inside Out Approach to Separation?When clients come to me for questions regarding legal separation advice, I tell them a trial separation is a break – from your spouse, from “it all” – to determine whether you are just going through a low point in your marriage or you should divorce.

Inside Out Separation Approach is the deliberate decision to individuate to find out how connected you have been in the relationship, spirit, soul and body for the number of years the relationship has been in existence.

What Happens In Is Inside Out Separation?

1 Deliberate individuation of a spouse to find out how much their emotional part has been involved in the deliberations and transactions in the relationship.

(a).How emotionally have you been involved in the relationship for the time under review?

(b).Has your husband or partner ever complained of you being emotionally distant and aloof?

(c).Undertake the CEN-Child Emotional Neglect Test to find out the source of emotional disconnection

Created on By Emotiohealth


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Look back over your YES answers. These answers give you a window into the areas in which you may have experienced Emotional Neglect as a child. The more questions you answered "Yes", the more likely CEN has affected your life.

Click the Button Below further Discussions on the results you have got.


2 / 23

22. Struggle with self-discipline ?

3 / 23

21. Secretly feel there’s something wrong with you ?

4 / 23

20. At times feel empty inside ?

5 / 23

19. Feel there’s something holding you back from being present in the moment?

6 / 23

14. Have trouble knowing what you’re feeling ?

7 / 23

15. Have trouble identifying your strengths and weaknesses?

8 / 23

16. Sometimes feel like you’re on the outside looking in ?

9 / 23

17. Believe you’re one of those people who could easily live as a hermit ?

10 / 23

18. Have trouble calming yourself ?

11 / 23

9. Often feel disappointed with, or angry at, yourself ?

12 / 23

10. Judge yourself more harshly than you judge others ?

13 / 23

11. Compare yourself to others and often find yourself sadly lacking?

14 / 23

12. Find it easier to love animals than people ?

15 / 23


13. Often feel irritable or unhappy for no apparent reason?

16 / 23

4. Have friends or family who complain that you are aloof or distant ?

17 / 23

5. Feel you have not met your potential in life ?

18 / 23

6. Often just want to be left alone ?

19 / 23

7. Secretly feel that you may be a fraud ?

20 / 23

8. Tend to feel uncomfortable in social situations ?

21 / 23

1. Sometimes feel like you don’t belong when with your family or friends ?

22 / 23

2. Pride yourself on not relying upon others ?

23 / 23

3. Have difficulty asking for help ?

Your score is

The average score is 43%


2 You analyze your past involvement for the success or failure of the relationship. Have you been sitting on the fence or have you always made sure your presence and contribution counts in the relationship? Use the Balance score card to award yourself a score in a scale of 1-5 on the role of a wife.

3 Analyze the available room for individual improvement going forward if the relationship will move from the quagmire its in the present. The winning philosophy to have is to imagine of your relationship as stage where the individual performance is overt for your partner to see.

How to apply the 3L-Release and Healing In Inside out Separation


1 In your own your thoughts,words, and feelings describe and define the current situation in your relationship. Bring out to the surface the internal conversation you have been having on the real state of affairs in the relationship. No sugar coating. Its time to write a best seller story about the true state of affairs in your relationship. What is not ok? No Icing! Say it as it is. Call a spade a spade, not a big spoon.

Under Letting Out, you are getting in touch spirit, soul and the body on the situation in the relationship as it is.

(01).Acknowledge and admit all is not well in the relationship, the major reason necessitating the inside Out Separation approach.

(02). Accept and validate your feelings about the situation in the relationship.

(03). Nothing Changes unless there is emotional,mental and spiritual movement or alteration.

If you are not sure where to start in writing your story, join the Emotiohealth community. You will realize you are not alone. There are others in similar situation like yours. Our philosophy in Emotiohealth Tribe, is a problem shared is half solved. You can Join a facebook group or our Site Chatroom.


1 List down what you feel your partner did, or said when and where and how did that make you feel towards them and towards the relationship as a whole. Based on how we are treated or spoken to by our partners we can either loosen up or build emotional and mental walls of defense.

2 Attach responsibility and liability accordingly. If according to you, your partner acted or talked in a way that hurt you, attach that responsibility without fear or favor. At this point its not uncommon to find out that you too is guilty. if you find out that you also contributed to the current state of affairs in the relationship, stop and immediately attach responsibility and liability right away.

Unfortunately, not so many partners can own up and admit their wrong doing whether by omission or commission. Majority are the “Iam the victim” type.These never see themselves as human enough, capable of making mistakes. If you are such a person or your partner is,i can’t say enough how worrying that is. No amount of good from the one person will be enough to surge the relationship forward without your participation. It takes two to tango, right? Your marriage success is hinged on the application of this principle.

If you are not sure where to start in writing your story, join the Emotiohealth community. You will realize you are not alone. There are others in similar situation like yours. Our philosophy in Emotiohealth Tribe, is a problem shared is half solved. You can Join a facebook group or our Site Chatroom.


3 Forgive and release. Your partner wronged and offended you without a doubt, but you have to decide to whether its worthy carrying on with life luggage on or luggage off your shoulders. Forgiveness loosens and unlocks the suppressed emotions to flow out of you. The immediate effect when this happens is, instant relief. Here are two things to do.

  • (a). Call a seating with your partner to discuss your feelings and how you hold them responsible. This is important because there can never be change without true repentance (change of mind). In the same token there can never be true repentance without owning up the wrongs or mistakes. Its sharing how you feel about what he/she did that relays the truth with which they can use to restructure their mind.
  • (b). Unconditionally forgive and release. This is appropriate when you are in situation where your partner won’t admit and own their mistakes. Here you forgive for your sake primarily, but lay down boundaries going forward.


1 Reconnecting with your true Self- Most of the painful life experience we go through have a way of suppressing and diminishing our true self. The emptiness you are feeling now highlights how far the projected self is from the real self hidden behind the false sense of servitude and the desire to be people appeaser.This comes out as mental-emotional block that discourages any genuine-heart to heart involvement in the relationship.

How do you rate your self esteem now after these number of years compared to how it was before he met you?

Also Read: How to rebuild and repair a damaged Self Esteem?

2 Reconnect with your life purpose,desires, dreams and vision.What i have collected from 13 yrs of marriage, is that the success of your relationship is directly related to the emotional, and mental success of you as an individual. Consciousness of your life purpose creates a self driven desire for personal development. Consequently, you will be keen to identify emotional, mental and spiritual areas of growth to become the best version of yourself than you are presently.

3 Skills Identification and Installation– That relationships succeed and fail on the altar of intra-personal and interpersonal skills is no longer a secret.

Intra-personal Skills

. (a). What are some of intrapersonal skills are you short of and how have they impacted your individual participation in the relationship?

Intrapersonal skills are all about self-awareness and controlling your own internal attitudes and inner processes. Your intrapersonal skills form the foundation on which you build your relationships with others because they help you more easily navigate your interpersonal relationships……

Inter Personal Skills

(b). What are some of the interpersonal skills you deem necessary and you are wanting on these for a long time?

Interpersonal skills are the skills we use every day when we communicate and interact with other people, both individually and in groups. They include a wide range of skills, but particularly communication skills such as listening and effective speaking. They also include the ability to control and manage your emotions.
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Created on By Emotiohealth


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Most people around me seem to be more assertive than I am.

2 / 21

I tend to yell at people when I don't get my way.

3 / 21

At lunch, if my co-worker suggested going out for Chinese and I wanted Italian, I'd probably end up giving in and we'd go for Chinese.

4 / 21

I have been known to lose my temper and swear at people.

5 / 21

I will use intimidation to ensure that I get my way.

6 / 21

I tend to be speechless when I am left alone with a person I find attractive.

7 / 21

I tend to just go along with what everyone else wants, instead of stating my own desires.

8 / 21

Instead of arguing, I tend to accept responsibility for other people's mistakes.

9 / 21

When I go out with other people, I'll do what they suggest, even if I feel like doing something else.

10 / 21

I feel comfortable saying no to people.

11 / 21

I feel free to politely voice my disagreement with someone in a position of authority.

12 / 21

Opinionated people make me feel uncomfortable.

13 / 21

When an argument is over, I replay the situation in my head, thinking of all the things I could have said, regretting that I hadn't thought of them then, or wishing I had the guts to say them.

14 / 21

I fear making phone calls to institutions, government agencies or businesses, because I might sound stupid if I don't understand the instructions.

15 / 21

If my neighbors made too much noise, I would let them know.

16 / 21

I feel people take advantage of me.

17 / 21

Talking to people in positions of authority makes me feel nervous, self-conscious, or unsure of myself.

18 / 21

I behave in a self-confident manner.

19 / 21

I express my opinions, even if others in the group disagree with me.

20 / 21

I feel threatened when dealing with someone who is very assertive.

21 / 21

I avoid dealing with difficult situations involving confrontation.

Your score is

The average score is 47%


If you are not sure where to start in writing your story, join the Emotiohealth community. You will realize you are not alone. There are others in similar situation like yours. Our philosophy in Emotiohealth Tribe, is a problem shared is half solved. You can Join a facebook group or our Site Chatroom.

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